whopper freakout.

i ate a whopper today. i know, who eats at burger king? calm down. i’ve been anti burger king since i turned 14 and learned that you can order a burger from mcdonalds without onions, making them edible and yummy.

my mom didn’t like giving me and my siblings options. i had no idea you could get whatever you wanted on a burger when i was a kid. we did get to choose WHICH drive-thru it was going to be, everything after that depended on where we went. you want soda? here’s some coke. but i think that’s a spanish people thing. coke means soda and soda means coke. if you go over my godmother’s house and she offers you coke, you’re getting orange soda.

on my whopper i got cheese ketchup mustard and pickle only. that’s not really a whopper. it’s just a big ass regular burger. correction*** a big ass uh-mazing burger.

savina says, “it’s my burger and i want it now!”

give a little love today

the thing i look forward to the most on my days off is watching ellen. it feels AMAZING to not have to run out the door after i watch her dance to 4 minutes by madonna for the 75th time.

her camera crew has gotten a little too good at following her around when she dances. it’s starting to feel like a music video. fancy. no matter what kind of funk i’m in, i snap out of it after some ellen. one of my favorite moments is when she invited a girl from the audience to dance through the crowd in her place, then asked the girl what she did. the girl was like, “i’m actually an actress, i’m on hannah montana.” LOL. ellen was like, oh?

who watches disney? that’s for people with cable. i watch ellen everyday on my big screen with bunny ears while i still can. no, really. i do. and i will, until 2009.

shooot.

lately i’ve been noticing that i think some fucked up things. i recently watched good luck chuck, and there’s a part where chuck asks stu “what’s sex without love?” and stu says “SEX! it’s still sex!”

on my way home from work there’s a billboard that says “what’s sex without consent?” and the first thing i think is “SEX! it’s still sex!”

(the correct answer is: RAPE!)

whatever, i’m a nice girl. unlike my fellow employees. anytime someone gets mad at a customer or manager they say one of the following:

1) i’m going to knock her teeth in

2) bitch is gonna swallow her teeth

3) something something teeth punch swallow taste

what is it with harming teeth that makes people feel so fucking gangster? for the last 2 days that’s all i’ve heard. i bought alvin & the chipmunks today and that’s about as gangster as i get.

and speaking of gangster, i changed the layout a little. as much as wordpress.com would let me. for $15 a year you can change fonts, headers, and colors. what a disappointment. i thought i was going to be able to upload and edit wordpress themes. honestly, it’s always a good thing to not give me too many options.

that’s melissa’s eye. it’s looks like a sunflower while mine just look like poop.

is numb the word i’m looking for?

i’m having one of those days. you know, one of those days where you question everything, everything worries you, you don’t know what you want… but at the same time, you don’t even care.

i have to go to work but all i wanna do is watch alvin and the chipmunks.

blue moon

in the last 11 days, i’ve learned that if i drink blue moon i turn into a 4 headed drinking monster. i’ll scream, i’ll cry, i’ll stumble, and i’ll break off pieces of your car while we’re driving down the road because i don’t wanna hear that song.

what? yeah i can’t even believe it myself.

i also learned that scary movie 4 is either the worst or best movie to watch while your significant other is sleeping because she woke right up, thanks to the screaming girl that’s mocking dakota fanning.

uh-mazing. it normally takes a bat to the head to wake her up, on a good day. i’m gonna go test drive used cars now and test out cassette players.

do i have to?

today is family picture day. my mom hired a “professional” who is going to take us to the park and try to make us look sooo good.

we are not a very photogenic family. the best pictures of me are the ones that i take of myself. what does that tell you? why yes, actually, i am a has-been camgirl of the netz.

at least my sister has straight bangs now. when her bangs parted to the left we couldn’t take a picture together. we both fought over who was on the left. woa. calm down.

i love it. kinda.

i’m sitting on my porch with my laptop, smoking cigarettes and waiting on laundry to finish. the porch has turned into my computer room. i sit on a beach chair and drink chocolate milk in some old fuzzy purple slippers. tell me again, when did i turn into white trash?

i’m not kidding. let me paint you a picture: in about an hour i have to pay my electric bill. i would pay it online, but last time i tried to do that i typed in my bank account number wrong, which fucked up my whole payment, making it late. so now i’m not allowed.

instead, i have to go to “a&j’s beauty supply” which also happends to be a payment center and stand in a long line with ghetto ass people who don’t use beauty supplies to pay my bill. it smells like hair relaxer and wigs in there.THERE ARE NO BEAUTY SUPPLIES. AND, there is no air conditioner.

if my life was a movie, ellen paige would be the star.

who am i

i am so late for work. i should have left 20 minutes ago, but here i am. my car is in a empty parking lot somewhere with pork chops, cinnamon apples and pasta rotting away in the back seat. that’s where i left it 3 days ago when the speedometer stopped working. i just wanna push my car into a large body of water and pretend it never existed.

it needs new break pads, it needs an oil change, it has hit and run dents all over it… and i’m rocking one tail light cover.

$20? going once… going twice…

cookie

i’ve lost 5 pounds in the last week or so. as soon as i noticed this i subconsciously tried to gain it all back. no soda, and absolutely no eating filets at midnight.

working at outback isn’t helping my case. 17 different seasonings on every steak? we just got fanta orange soda put in the damn fountain, too.

i use to work out. now i just fuck. if i could just fuck away 10 more pounds, i’ll be content. (subconsciously)

me too

“1 day i really hope u marry me!”

melissa wrote this on my arm on valentines day. i hope so too. i think the only time we really fight is when we drink. we bicker and then make up. i think we do it just so have something to make up over, and we’re drunk enough to actually think that it’s a good idea.